Pleasure products, otherwise known as sex toys, make everything better, period. Whether it’s solo sex or with a partner(s), pleasure products can elevate intimate experiences for all genders and genitalia. Unfortunately, speaking openly about how and why to use them is still considered taboo in some circles. That’s why we are here to debunk the myths around pleasure products so that you can feel more comfortable and knowledgeable about how to give yourself and your partner(s) pleasure.  

Why use the term pleasure product instead of sex toy?

Something many of us do not consider while thinking about pleasure, is how we talk about it. As the sex-positive movement evolves, it makes sense that we should stop calling vibrators, BDSM products, butt plugs, and other pleasure products, toys. As this Bustle article on retiring the term “sex toys,” points out, the word toy is an object defined for children; not only is that kind of creepy but also reiterates the idea that we should shy away from talking about sex in an open and positive way. “Toys” implies we are hiding what they really are, which is, sexual lifestyle products—an all-encompassing term that defines pleasure products as something used in our everyday lives. The sex-positive movement aims to normalize pleasure, and to do that it’s important to de-stigmatize our language too. 

I am embarrassed to buy one—are pleasure products normal?

It’s reasonable to be embarrassed about this, particularly given the way that society shames our bodies and our pleasure. But you have to ask yourself what is normal and who defines normalcy? 

Secondly, yes, yes, yeeeeeeesss. There is nothing abnormal about using tools that improve our intimacy, sexual experiences, and pleasure. Just like you pull out that Cuisinart mixer when you’re tired of beating the soufflé by hand with your whisk, pleasure products like vibrators, dildos, BDSM toys, butt plugs, and the like allow people to explore their sexuality in healthy and safe ways. 

I’m afraid that my partner will think that my vibrator is replacing him. What do I do? 

Unfortunately some cis-het (that’s short for cisgender heterosexual) men can find vibrators and dildos intimidating, threatening, or unnatural. However, this idea just needs to be—much like the patriarchy—smashed. Sex toys are there to improve pleasure for both parties. They are designed to stimulate parts of you that are guaranteed to make sex more enjoyable. It’s not about replacing your partner, but rather adding to the experience for both/all of you.If you want to introduce pleasure products into your sexual routine with your partner, consider starting with toys like nipple clamps or cock rings. Another option is to choose vibrators and dildos that are not designed after the male anatomy, like the Dame products we carry in our shop. Nothing can replace open communication, tenderness, and empathy, so start there when articulating your needs with your partner.

I heard vibrators can make my pleasure areas less sensitive—is this true?

Not at all. Vibrators are there to improve and increase stimulation and sex in general. That’s what they do. They don’t alter pleasure in any way or change someone’s ability to orgasm. However, many people have a better time with a vibrator and thus are more sexually satisfied—and what’s better than that?

OK, now I want one, but what should I get?

Great question—we thought you’d never ask. The Dame vibes are truly an excellent place to start. Dame products are well-made and safe, not to mention the designs are awesome. They all come with varying speeds and abilities. Our favorites are the Zee and the Aer. The Zee is a basic but very fun bullet vibrator that is discreet, packable, and oh-so-pleasurable; while the Aer is a bit bigger and less discreet, but who says you should hide your pleasure anyway? This vibrator is not only extremely pleasurable but extremely innovative too. It uses pressure and wave technology to mimic oral stimulation. 

Although vibes are our suggested first try, there is a lot you can experiment with during sex. Dildos or partner’s toys like rings and strap-ons are also lots of fun, but a vibrator is a great starting point that may not be as far outside of your comfort zone.

Experimenting with lubes, oils, and other topical sensations can also be a great way to introduce sex toys into your life with or without a partner. Our CBD oil-based intimacy oil is a lot of fun on your own—we’ve even dedicated a whole blog to it. And our massage candles, made with skin-safe soy wax, can ignite foreplay in a new and exciting way.

How can I discreetly buy a pleasure product? 

Well, of course we are biased, but for good reason. We suggest you head on over to our shop and pick out a Dame toy. Here’s why: Dame is a women-owned, ethical and sex-positive company. Its mission statement is to close the pleasure gap and they are revolutionizing sexual wellness for women and really pushing the boundaries. We believe in them, support them, and, speaking from experience, their products are genuinely a vibe. When you purchase a vibrator from us, we send it in an unmarked box so your neighbors and roomies won’t know your business unless you want them to.

Pleasure products are diverse and fun, but they can be intimidating. We hope this blog helps to de-stigmatize and open up the oh-so-taboo and patriarchal views on our pleasure and help you on your sexual liberation journey. Thanks for reading, and enjoy where this information takes you.