In May, we asked you if you've ever been stuck tits deep in the dude soup and needed a little advice to get yourself out of it.

And oh, did you ever.

Jen, our founder and CEO, responded to a handful of questions, sharing everything she’s learned over her 45+ years on this planet on how to lead with your values and be unapologetically true to yourself. It’s not therapy, and it won’t solve all of your problems, but it’s the perfect addition to your daily astrology.

What Would Jen Do?

I was posing for a photo with a group of dudes at the top of a chairlift. Just a normal photo. The rando guy someone asked to take the photo said to me, "now show your tits!" No one said a single word. What should I have done/said?

Dear Dazed and Confused,

We all like to think that we’d have a witty response that would shame such a fool into submission, but the truth of the matter is that experiences like this are often embarrassing and leave us a bit stunned. I’d like to think that in that moment, I’d look at the photographer and roll my eyes before I’d lock eyes with him, flatly say “boring,” and just keep staring at him until he slunk away. I’ll have to show you this sometime—it’s gold.

What adds insult to injury is that the men you were standing with didn’t get your back. And those are the people I’d have a conversation with, even today. It’s not too late to bring this up; there’s no statute of limitations on sharing with friends something that happened that hurt you. The conversation I’d have with them is to ask why they didn’t say anything in the moment, rather than you feeling like it was all your responsibility. I’d explain to them that what seems like very casual joking by men is what creates uncomfortable and often dangerous environments for women. If they are your friends and they believe that they are the type of men who support women, then at a minimum, they’d offer a heartfelt apology to you. If you can’t have this type of conversation with them—if you can’t be vulnerable—then I’d ask you why you’re friends with them in the first place.

Dearest Jen, what is the best way to interact with politically/socially problematic older coworkers in an office space?

Dear It's Not Me It's You,

I haven’t had to work with problematic older people since I was in my 20s and worked for the state of California. I do remember getting into one shouting match across the boardroom table on one occasion with men who were professionally my peers. On another occasion, one of my employees, a much older man, filed a claim against me with the state—he believed I was part of a secret feminist cult and that I was in cahoots with his ex-wife from Vermont (I can’t make this shit up). What ultimately diffused and resolved both issues was my boss—he listened to me, told me that he understood where I was coming from, gave me tips on how not to flip tables, and said he’d fight the claim against me.

I hope you have someone in a leadership position at your job whom you could go to with your concerns. Ideally, they could help mediate the situation, give you insight into the issue, and/or make you feel supported. Regardless, you may need to go to work and only engage in the conversations necessary to facilitate your job. It’s not a crime to be politically/socially problematic—it’s just annoying AF to the people on the opposite side of the spectrum. And if we want our viewpoints to be tolerated, then we have to tolerate theirs too.

With that said, we don’t have to agree or like them or be quiet or go along to get along. Sometimes being crystal clear about what you refuse to participate in sets a necessary expectation of interaction in the workplace. Case in point--when our retail store was open, one of the women who owned a shop next to us mentioned to me that she was going to vote for Kennedy. I looked at her and said, “The guy who said a worm ate his brain?” She continued with a slew of medical conspiracy junk. I stopped her, told her that I do not participate in conspiracy theories, and that I would not be continuing the conversation. I knew we’d never be friends, and I didn’t attempt to cultivate that relationship with her. And she knew never to bring things like that up with me again.

How do you put the fear of angry beast-boss-bitch into the hearts of your teenage male minions? Back in the day, a wrench would be launched across the drill shack accompanied by a series of French curse words. This is now frowned upon, unfortunately.

Dear My Better Half,

The part of me that wants to channel my Michelle Obama and take the higher road is contanstly in conflict with my petty side that says fuck it, if they can do whatever they want, so can we. But alas, we are still held to a higher standard, so we might as well cultivate our own leadership styles.

I myself have developed a look. I once volunteered to teach people what I call my “Resisting Bitch Face” in a Kula Cloth virtual workshop a few years ago. I swear by this strategy.

This look requires staring deep into their soul, locking eyes for an uncomfortable amount of time. Stick with it. Hold the silence. If you need to break the stare, it’s acceptable to look them up and down, passing judgment with each scroll. Your mouth gets into the action, too. I find an upturn on the left side of my mouth, paired with the look, sends an immediate “Excuse me, what did you just fucking do/say” message. I still utilize choice profanity in the workplace, and I don’t think that should ever change, so feel free to say that last part out loud.

I’d love to know if this works with teenage boys. It certainly does with grown men.

Do you have a burning question or dilemma? Make sure you're signed up for our newsletter so you don't miss the next open call for What Would Jen Do.