Coalition is proud to announce our partnership with your favorite app to launch an exclusive new feature: The Pleasure Summit.
You know that app that lets men track every climb, every segment, every millisecond of their Saturday morning ride? Every KOM they've chased like it's the Tour de France and they're not 43 with a mortgage and a mid-life crisis banging down their door?
We thought, what if we applied that same obsessive tracking energy to something that actually matters?
The Pleasure Summit—where men compete for the King of the Orgasm—lets men log, track, and compete on a global leaderboard for the number of orgasms they really give women. Finally, a metric worth optimizing for. Because the rest of their KOMs don't mean shit.
You’re welcome, (straight) ladies.
Achievements unlocked. Badges earned. Segments claimed.
Want to earn the King of the Orgasm? Here's what it actually takes.
1. Listen more than you talk.
This is the foundational skill and somehow the most elusive one. The men who rack up KOOs are not the ones narrating their own performance. They're the ones paying attention, asking questions, and then actually listening. Revolutionary concept, we know.
2. Learn the route before you try to set a record.
You wouldn't show up to a new segment and sprint it without knowing the terrain. Apply that same logic here. Every person is different. What worked before with someone else is data, not a guarantee. Stay curious. Adjust accordingly.
3. Slow down.
Apps rewards speed. The KOO does not. In fact, the fastest route to the bottom of the leaderboard is acting like this is a time trial. Pace yourself and enjoy the climb.
4. Ego is a DNF.
Did Not Finish. The men who treat intimacy as a performance for their own benefit, their own story, their own posts, consistently underperform. The KOO goes to the person who made it entirely about someone else. Leave your PR obsession at the door.
5. Consistency beats intensity.
One epic effort followed by months of coasting doesn't build a leaderboard position. It builds resentment. Show up regularly, and with intention. The KOO is not a sprint. It's a lifestyle.
6. Ask for feedback and don't get defensive about it.
This one eliminates about 60% of the competition immediately. Feedback is not criticism. It's a training plan. The men who reach the top of the KOO leaderboard are the ones who treat "I'd rather you do this" as a gift, not a threat to their masculinity.
7. Her pleasure is the finish line. Full stop.
Not yours. Not a mutual simultaneous moment you read about somewhere. Hers. HERS. Make that the singular goal of the effort and everything else takes care of itself.
The bar, as it turns out, is not that high. Which is both the joke and the tragedy of the whole thing.
