Finally, men can have their own version of “Shrink It and Pink It” gear
The world’s first all-women’s ski and snowboard company announced the addition of their men’s line of ski and snowboard products. Finally noticing that men actually ski and board, the team at Coalition Snow recognized an opportunity to tap into an underserved market by building the first men’s specific skis and boards designed by people who have no literal understanding of what it’s like to #SkiLikeABoy.
“Rather than working with men to design the skis and boards that they wanted, we went ahead and designed gear strictly based on our understanding of stereotypical male qualities,” said Coalition Snow CEO Jen Gurecki. “It was actually pretty easy because all men like the same things, right?”
The eXXXtreme line features a Tungsten Carbide Core with a tri-axial bacon weave dampening layer for a ride so stiff you’ll be forced to straight line everything. Titanium side walls and 7mm thick edges make this ski so indestructible we guarantee it’ll survive a nuclear apocalypse. Coalition finishes each ski with a factory tune so sharp you could use it to trim your beard. The ski features a Tom Selleck Mustache Camber profile and the unique graphics were designed in collaboration with Playboy, The NFL, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.
“Statistically, men experience fewer knee injuries than women but our 150mm waist puts enough stress on the knee that men will finally have a better chance of discovering knee surgery at the same rate as women,” said Gurecki.
eXXXtreme skis will be offered in both 90 cm and 225 cm lengths with a full twin side cut, because who needs directions when you can’t follow them anyway?
But this isn’t just about skis and boards. Coalition Snow wants to make skiing more accessible to all men. We know you shouldn’t have to choose between paying rent and getting new gear so we’re offering a pro-deal to any bro who claims they are the best skier on the mountain.
Additionally, Coalition Snow is seeking male athletes to join the pro team. To apply please send a dick pic, a CV of your GNAR points, and a video of yourself backflipping into the Palisades, Corbet's, or an equivalently iconic run.
You can help the Coalition Snow team fix their bad taste in humor by clicking this link: CoalitionSnow.com/AprilFools